I am an addict. 

I went to work and gave it my all, not letting MY problems get in the way. I answered phones and greeted customers cheerfully, ran the business as best as I could when the owners were away. But...

I am an addict. 

I went to family functions and friends houses smiling, like I was the happiest person there, trying not to lead on that I was depressed, anxious, and mad at myself and the world. Mad because...

I am an addict. 

Then, I started going to class struggling to focus and not be sick so I could go and get high as soon as we were dismissed. Many times I decided that getting high was better than even going to class at all.  I chose these things all because...

I am an addict. 

I went to work not being able to function without getting high first. Everything I did at work was either incomplete or wrong. When I "thought" I did it all correctly. All of this happened because...

I am an addict. 

My family and friends would invite me to come over and I would never show because the "boy" was more important. I missed holidays, birthdays and any gathering including weekly family dinners. If I did attend Im sure they wish I hadn't because I wouldn't be able to stay awake or keep my eyes open, couldn't carry a conversation and I would leave as soon as I got the change. Stressed from having to act like I wasn't high and having to hide my tracks on my arms. I disappointed everyone, including myself because...

I am an addict. 

I dropped out of college, stopped showing up to work, and left my family and friends always wondering where I was because I was never around until I needed something, mainly money. I never thought anything was wrong, all because...

I am an addict. 

I got arrested because of my love affair with "boy" and I unwillingly went to rehab. Determined to still continue my love affair until I wanted to be done, not when someone else told me I had to be; because...

I am an addict. 

My love/ hate relationship with "boy" came to an end when I one day woke up in rehab and realized how great I felt and that was all because I was sober. I graduated rehab, got my job back, fell in love with an amazing man and I couldn't be happier! Life will always be a struggle and there will never be a time that I can completely let my guard down. There will be moments that I am happy, sad, confused, stressed, or just bored and I will want "boy" again. But that will always be an ongoing battle that I am willing to fight so I can remain sober. But that is never going to change that,

I am (and ALWAYS WILL BE) an addict.

-Courtney